Interview: Cameron Hawthorn, a swooning gay cowboy of the new wild, wild west

Queerness in country music has historically only ever been spoken in hushed whispers behind broken-down barrooms or inside confessional booths at Sunday mass. Tradition is dangerous, indeed. Having grown up in a very rural, very Christian and very country community, bigotry was rooted in the everyday, and if you’re not careful, you won’t be able to pick up on the subtle gender-signaling and separate the truths from the lies. It is embedded in the sideways glances when you’re three-years-old and you grab at the sparkling tutu rather than the camouflage, or maybe you’re eight and you want to try out the latest Madonna dance routine on the front lawn, instead of practicing your baseball swing. Let me tell you, machismo-bound teachings aren’t too kind to a genderqueer little youngin who just wants to be heard and loved.

Country music was and is the backbone of culture in rural America. It’s inescapable, really, and while terrestrial radio continues to be plagued with gatekeepers unwilling to change, feminine and queer voices are gaining footing elsewhere. LGBTQ+ representation, from festival circuits to the club scene, didn’t make significant inroads until the last decade with the coming out stories of Chely Wright, Ty Herndon and Billy Gilman, notable ’90s mainstays on country radio with handfuls of recognizable hits. Unbeknownst to those in power, the establishment is being shaken up and rearranged in ways not possible just 20 years ago, and other such torchbearers as Brandi Carlile, Brandy Clark and Shane McAnally are busting down the door to convention in groundbreaking ways, as well. The road ahead is paved and well-lit for a whole new class of movers and shakers, which includes Karen & the Sorrows, Semler, Brandon Stansell and Steve Grand, unforgettable leaders in the swelling underground who have redefined femininity and masculinity in the country context. And you can now count Cameron Hawthorn among those unafraid to live as their most authentic self and create timeless work while they’re at it.

It certainly helps Hawthorn’s new single “Dancing in the Living Room” is a rosy and warm ballroom ballad that adheres to rootsy country tradition. His slick, thick twang invites you into his world, and it’s his heart that shines the most, allowing you to bask in his charm and unwavering gift. “I’m been inspired a lot lately by classic country and rockabilly from the ’40s and ’50s. You might expect hearing some of those influences in my new music coming soon. But I’m also a fan of current music on the radio and can’t help but be influenced by that, as well,” he tells B-Sides & Badlands over email, underscoring his wealth of musical sensibility that digs far below the surface. He’s got a pop-lilt in this voice, too, but in combing the past, he braids country’s various strands together into something wholly progressive.

The music video, a magical timepiece that strikes a remarkably stirring chord, was co-directed and co-produced by a familiar face, pop firebrand Kelsy Karter (known for such bangers as “What U,” “Harry” and “Too Many Hearts to Break”). The long-standing friends, meeting through a mutual connection, swap out creative duties to inject the song with as much visual eye-candy to properly serve the story and its emotional force. “We’ve both been encouragers and supporters of each other for a while now and have become really close. I’m so excited to see all of her brilliant work rocking the music world,” says Hawthorn, who employs four couples, including his own relationship, to tell tales of unconditional love that defy any preconceived notions or systemic beliefs.

“If the neighbors know – give them show / I don’t care either way / ‘Cuz we do us and love is love / Until we grow old and grey, I’m staying up late,” he sings, unpacking that nearly indescribable feeling of being concealed from the world. Within four walls, the world marching onward outside the threshold, there’s the kind of intimacy and safety that is impossible to unlock anywhere else. Hawthorn’s performance is unintentionally weepy, as it emerges as an imposing statement, particularly for the world in 2019. It’s full of heart, most importantly, and that’s what’ll spark the change we need to see in the world, above all else.

Below, Hawthorn describes his journey to coming out and life growing up in the typically-red state of Kansas, as well as the most important country songs and his new-found responsibility in the country scene.

In talking about the video with the Advocate, you stressed how it’s still so hard for LGBTQ+ couples in public (not only to show affection but to simply exist). What has your journey been in terms of realizing how the world still views the community?

You know, I really think at the end of the day it’s more of an internal thing for me. I’ll catch myself having my own fears towards showing affection to another man in public. I fear what others will think or say or even what that awkward stare from someone will feel like. But every time I take that leap of faith and hold his hand or even exchange a little kiss, no one cares. And I need to remind myself of that. Even if they were offended, they’ll get over it. It’s my life, and I’m going to do what makes me happy.

Recently, you shared a message from a fan who had reached out to you about how much the song inspired them. Does that come with a sense of responsibility?

I’m truly honored to receive messages from people who have been inspired by the song and the video. It inspires me and fills me with so much joy to read them and know my story and my music is making that kind of impact. The song and the video are really just a reflection of me and what I stand for. If that’s a sense of responsibility, then sure, but I see it more as just being true and authentic.

You came out officially last November on social media, and you’ve stated how crucial films like Boy Erased and Bohemian Rhapsody were for you to come out. Before that moment, was the struggle on what to do a pretty tough one to navigate?

Coming out is never easy, and it definitely wasn’t for me. My faith has played a big factor in that. When you’re told for so long that being gay is wrong, it’s not just a question of what others will think, it’s a deep, spiritual and very personal question, as well. Once I had peace with that, I was able to come out to myself and then my family and friends. I went back and forth for a while on whether I would come out as an artist because it was scary to think about putting myself out there in that way. But I always seek to be an honest, authentic person, so it just made sense that this would be another area of my life where I should be authentically me.

In the post, you wrote: “I sadly and narrow-mindedly used to think that when people ‘came out,’ they had lost themselves, given themselves up to the wrong ‘sinful’ side, and just simply given up.” How did you work through those feelings to accept yourself?

It took a lot of deep thinking and connecting with myself and God. I read a lot of books and listened to a lot of podcasts/videos/sermons on both sides of the argument. Through that, I realized that the argument around homosexuality and the Bible can be debated back and forth until the end of time. I had to make a conscience decision to find peace in what I felt was right for me (and what I feel is also peace with God).

What was life like growing up, culturally and socially, in Kansas?

I love Kansas, and it was the perfect place for me to grow up. My family and small town have shaped who I am today, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I was definitely a bit sheltered from the rest of the world and didn’t experience much diversity, but I’m thankful to have had friends and family growing up who were all about love and kindness. That prepared me to be open-minded later in life but also to feel stable in my roots and who I am deep down.

As a kid, you often went to your grandparents to listen to country music (including the work of Patsy Cline). Did you naturally gravitate to making country music once you began your career?

I kind of avoided making country music early on, actually. I’ve always loved it but never thought I was the “typical country guy.” But in discovering more about myself and owning all parts of myself, I’ve been able to say, “Yeah, I’m definitely country.” It may not look like everybody else, but it’s still country.

What have been some of the most important country songs for you?

Dang, such a hard question. The first one that comes to mind is “The House That Built Me” by Miranda Lambert. I connected to that song on such a deep level because of where I’m from in Kansas and how my parents don’t live in that house anymore. “Can’t Help Falling in Love” has got to be on that list, as well. The list could go on and on, honestly…

What comes first: the melody or the lyrics?

It’s different every time. Sometimes, it’s a lyric or a concept. Other times, it’s totally melody driven from the beginning. I try and let my writing process really start from true inspiration, so when an idea hits, I jot it down or record it in my phone and then let the rest go from there. When I start a song, I obsess over it until it’s finished. I think about it constantly…while I’m driving, while I’m taking a shower, while I’m laying in bed before I go to sleep. I really try and finish it as soon as possible so that I can let it sit for a few days or sometimes weeks and then come back to it and see how I feel about it.

You previously released a self-titled EP in 2017. “Mama’s Love” is the defining highlight. Was there a specific moment that provoked this song?

“Mama’s Love” is obviously a special song to me because I’m so close with my Mom. Honestly, I can’t remember if there was a specific moment that it came out of. I always feel so grateful to have the parents that I have. They’re beyond loving and supportive of me. I think I was just thinking one day how special my Mama’s love is; it’s one of a kind and means so much to me. And many Mom’s are like that. So, the song just came out of that.

“Dancing in the Living Room” then feels like the natural progression from that project. How has your craft changed over two years? Were there things you were specifically trying to strengthen?

One question I’ve been asking myself a lot of over the last few years is “Who is Cameron?” And also “What is the message you want to say?” I think I’ve been digging for those answers in my songwriting and will continue to do that as I move forward and grow as an artist. There’s nothing wrong with a fluff, fun song. But I’m a deep person, and I want to share that side of myself and the stories that come with that.

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