Interview: Evan Dibbs floats into the ether
The singer-songwriter discusses his new song “Fills” and forthcoming album.
Evan Dibbs found himself in neutral. The world seemed to zip past him, and his feet rooted to the earth. As much as he fought, he couldn’t move forward to save his life. He calls it his “neutral, not-really-happy-but-not-really-depressed place,” which he believes “society is structured to keep us in that state,” he says. “There’s an insane amount of stimulation coming from the internet and social media, and the information we receive simultaneously gives us dopamine hits while also presenting the harshness and brutality of the state of the world.”
He adds, “One minute you’re looking at a puppy getting a hot stone massage and the next you see footage of war-torn cities. The addictive nature of all the platforms and the disparity of the content can be really paralyzing.”
Admittedly, Dibbs floats “in and out of this state,” he tells B-Sides & Badlands. “I’d imagine that’s the case for a lot of people. I think we all have moments of sincere awareness, and it comes whenever we feel a sense of connection. That can come from spending quality time with people you love, writing a song, going on a hike, meditating… I’m not sure it’s possible to either be fully ‘awake’ or ‘asleep’ but I think we go through phases where we’re more of one or the other.”
With his new song “Fills,” sparked from “a particularly neutral phase in my life,” he weighs his mental and emotional states, always teetering overlooking an immense blackhole. “I felt like there was a thread for me between the insurmountability of issues in the world (namely climate change) and the ability to survive as an artist,” he reflects. “I feel like it takes an enormous amount of energy and discipline to do what you know is right for yourself and as a citizen, but sometimes you can’t bring yourself to that energy. It’s a feeling of, ‘Ah screw it, what’s the point?'”
In writing the song, Dibbs told himself: “I can get through life this way, but I’ll be circumventing a lot of meaning, integrity, and justice if I do.”
Dibbs’ voice is both ethereal and heavy, as though he’s unpacking his entire existence as quickly as he can in four and a half minutes. “I fill the water to the edge of the bowl,” he whispers in the opening verse, dreamy, creamy percussion fluttering around him. “My temples shield my thoughts from spilling this song / A cloud billows deeply…”
As fluid as the melody is, almost soothing in a forlorn way, Dibbs’ voice is reedy enough to keep it afloat. He imparts wisdom about what it means to live and merely exist, meandering without purpose and reason. But as sharp as the lyrics pierce, there’s a calming sensation that occurs within the moody framework. It’s a literal sonic experience that must be heard to be believed.
“Fills” samples a new record called Breathe to Break, produced by Erik Kase Romero, which arrives everywhere on August 2.
Below, Dibbs discusses his new album, feeling numb about life, and what he cherishes most.
How does “Fills” fit into the scope of the album, musically and lyrically?
I think the album takes the idea of connection and looks at it from different perspectives. There’s a song yet to be released called “Leaves,” which takes a life-affirming attitude by celebrating the abundance of nature and art. The first single I released called “With” takes a bird’s eye view of our bizarre gift of individualism against the backdrop of an inconceivably large world. “Fills” is a darker perspective, and cautions against losing connection to your truth, but also intentionally leaves it unclear as to whether we’ll persevere or not.
What made you “jolt awake” in this album process?
Well, I don’t want to make the claim that by making this album I’m now this perfectly energetic, aware, and disciplined person. However, I think making a record can be an exercise in connection, and I think it was for me because I went into it with that intention, both in spirit and lyrical content. We experimented a lot on this record and set some pretty significant limitations (for example we made it a rule that we couldn’t use keyboards or wind instruments and all drums had to be mono with no toms on the main drum take).
That instantly ignited focus, intention, and creativity. I think if one is trying to generate connection and energy in their life, setting challenges or limitations and tackling them with bravery and commitment is key. However, I see this as a different approach than setting and achieving goals; I think it’s a way of creating terms of engagement so that you are engaged. There are more expedient ways to achieve goals than creating somewhat arbitrary limitations. To me, the limitations are all about getting everyone locked in and pushing their boundaries so we’re connected and growing together.
How do you feel differently about the world after making this record?
I’m not sure the record changed as much how I feel about the world as it uncovered things that I had been feeling but hadn’t given conscious consideration. I think it was an effort to commit to feelings that maybe I didn’t have the determination to do beforehand. A lot of the spirit of the record is bundled in the one lyric from the previous single “With” – “If I should dance in my room, naked, having just bathed.” This is a reference to the William Carlos Williams poem “Danse Russe” written from the perspective of a person having this beautiful moment of life-affirming solitude, dancing naked while everyone else in the house is asleep. I wanted everything in this record to point toward that kind of humanity, which is something I’ve always felt everyone has inside of them but has varying degrees of connection to.
What things did you learn about yourself?
Jumping off the previous question, I learned that I want to try to live my life in a way that is structured around getting in touch with that level of humanity that is portrayed in “Danse Russe.” I’ve also learned that it can be really hard to do that. I think our personal realities are made by little votes we cast in the decisions we make. It’s easy to know what the right vote is, but it’s even easier to cast your vote for things that are unhealthy, expedient, and instantly gratifying.
When have you ever felt numb about life?
I think life can get overwhelming and busy, or filled with tedium that makes it even easier to vote for unhealthy decisions. Like if you work a 12-hr day at a shitty job, it can really feel good to eat junk food and scroll Instagram for hours when you finally get home. I’ve gone through periods where those decisions string together over a period of time and then suddenly I’m like, “Woah, I’m hardly a person anymore.” I experience it in trying to jumpstart a music career because you basically work all the time between shows, sessions, managing yourself, and then doing odd jobs to make a buck. All that can stack up towards fatigue and numbness that ends up being counterproductive to actually being creative which is the whole point of being an artist in the first place.
Phone distraction has certainly fed into feeling numb. How have phones changed our perception of life and how we interact with the world?
This has been a very interesting subject for me throughout the process of this record. On one hand, the record generally takes the stance that phones are paradoxically a buttress against our connection to the world. But now that the record is coming out, how do I get people to hear about it and listen to it? You guessed it – by posting about it on social media. And it gets me wondering if that makes the record fraudulent to some degree. But I’ve certainly discovered music and art that has moved me through social media that I probably wouldn’t have heard of otherwise. So I guess to answer the question more directly, I think phones amplify our perception of life and are like a circus-mirror reflection of what’s happening in our brains. And I think we’re at the stage in society where that reflection is becoming an accepted portion of reality, which is why it’s very difficult to say anything anymore without it involving a digital platform at some point in the process.
How did Erik Kase Romero guide the production?
Ah, Erik is the man. I can’t say enough about how he unlocked a new layer of meaning in the song through the production. I showed him a demo before we started recording, and it was kind of a one-dimensional, pretty song at that point. Our journey of working on it together became a process of obscuring, distorting, and disorienting the song to align more with the lyrics. I liked that direction so much that I ended up reworking some of the lyrics to more confidently plant its foot in that perspective.
He recorded a lot of the song with a really unusual array of contact mics, headphones, lavaliers, and this weirdo hose mic (particularly on the drums), and it really shrouded the performances in this layer of mystery that was beautiful and haunting. I love how that quality interacts with the playing on the song which is largely improvisational, especially between the drums, bass, and baritone guitar. That combination really illuminates the idea that there’s this bubbling humanity and sincerity that wants to rise to the surface but is just out of reach.
What did you take away from the collaboration?
Erik and I have worked together on a lot of projects at this point, and I think the biggest thing I’ve learned from that time is that the combination of trust and willingness to ‘go for it’ is really powerful. I think it’s hard to feel like you have the agency to try outlandish things if you don’t trust the people you’re collaborating with. There’s a sweet spot of comfort and discomfort that is key for being creative, and I think the comfort comes in trusting your collaborators and the discomfort comes in the mutual dedication to push each other’s boundaries.
You’ve mentioned that “art, language, the natural world, and relationships” give life its vibrance. What are some specific things in your life that you cherish most in that way?
I think they’re mostly simple things. Simple things with a lot of care and compassion. I really try for music making to be one of those things in my life, and to always remind myself that making it is beautiful and nurturing. Spending focused, quality time with friends and family. Letting nature knock your breath out. And maybe a more nuanced one is letting myself be weird. I feel very connected and free when I can be a goof with people or just by myself. The world is f-ing weird and it feels good to express that.
