Interview: Josh Lovelace confronts ‘Growing Up’

Grief is one of those inevitabilities for which you can never prepare. Broadway singer, actress and all-around badass Alexandra Silber wrote in her 2018 memoir, White Hot Grief Parade, of her father’s untimely death: “Little Red, my eighteen-year-old self, and Cinderella, the self of today. Would that I could look that eighteen-year-old girl straight in the eye, as Cinderella does for Little Red. I wish I could tell her that she is absolutely right — this is the bottom of the well of human pain.” Her words cut into flesh as a cattle rancher’s fire-heated branding iron. And she’s most certainly right. Saying goodbye is a process by which we can understand the coldest and hardest and most brutal of life’s truths.

Josh Lovelace, of Christian rock band NEEDTOBREATHE, clutches his present and, even more importantly, his growing family closer with his new solo record. Growing Up, which often shimmers with crisp folksy colors, is unafraid to confront the kind of hurt that rips lives apart. “The road is calling out for you / But I know we can make it through,” he sings on the aptly-titled “Goodbyes are the Hardest Thing to Do,” perhaps the throbbing emotional heart of the record. Even “Let’s Go Drive,” a lilting recollection of sweet family excursions amongst the enveloping Tennessee hills, buckles underneath the weight of the world; and Lovelace’s voice appears to already be weary, but he pushes forward and allows the listener to rediscover poetic beauty in simplicity. “We’ll be just fine between the lines,” he sings. Flecks of country tradition bubble up to meet a rockier intonation, lushly buried beneath stark warmth and light.

Lovelace’s pathway winds from the harmonica-chugging introduction “You’ve Got Me and I’ve Got You” to the absolutely cheery banjo hoedown “This is a New Song” and “Hey It’s a Good Day,” a soul spinner celebrating the smallest of everyday victories. In between, he scratches into the earth as a way of planting seeds for what will certainly be an impressive legacy, in his own right, in addition to focusing the listener’s attention on what is here and present ⏤ and not the devastation that will come our way, sooner or later. We are alive in this moment, and the singer, songwriter and musician vows that things will get better in time. We just have to let it.

“Life is full of changes. The things we think will be around forever will change and evolve and sometimes go away. We had some friends that moved away while I was writing this record, and it prompted me to try and give words to other families who are feeling sad about those they love leaving town,” writes Lovelace to B-Sides & Badlands over email. “It can be applied to many different things in life, including friends moving, kids going to school or college, friendships ending, and even death.”

His brightly-packaged wisdom, tied with plenty of charm and nuance, stemmed largely from personal growth into his 30s, but also out of some pretty challenging conversations with his kids. “We have tried to encourage our kids to think about the good memories we’ve had with the people we love. Even if we don’t see them everyday, we can be reminded of their warmth and love by stepping back in time every now and then. Also, we can hope and long for a time when we will see them again and spend more sweet time together,” he says, confiding the turning point when his wife’s grandmother passed away. “Our son was four, and it was really the first time we had a conversation about having to say goodbye to someone you love.”

Below, Lovelace discusses what he’s learned through growing up, age of nostalgia, letting go and today’s world.

In this Facebook post, you were celebrating your youth, childhood home and who you are now. What’s been the most challenging transition for you into being a “grownup”?

For me, it has been having kids while being a traveling musician. I have been in bands and traveling for over 15 years, and it was much easier before we all started having kids! It has made me realize how selfish I can be and has taught me how to be more intentional when I am home. Even though it can be hard, it is actually really fun having kids and being in a band. The kids put on pretend concerts at home, love the bus and seem to really think it’s cool that their dad is a musician. I hope they always do.

Especially in the age of nostalgia in which we’re now living, particularly when it comes to TV/movie reboots, why do we have such an obsession over our childhoods (regardless if it was actually good or bad)?

I know not everyone has a fairytale childhood, which is absolutely tragic. For me, I was very fortunate and have always been someone who loves to think back to when I was a child. I remember when our first child was born, I couldn’t wait to show him some of the music and TV shows I enjoyed when I was a kid. Maybe, it’s this idea that, as a child, we believe anything is possible and your dreams can come true if you just believe hard enough. Then, as we grow up, we can become our own worst enemies and tell ourselves we can’t do the things we’re dreaming of. I want to live my life wide-eyed and ready for surprises. Sometimes, reminiscing can inspire and motivate you to think outside of the box and do things that you never thought possible.

In writing and recording this album, were there certain moments from your youth that kept replaying in your head?

I remember the day we sold my childhood home. I was 11 years old and about to start middle school in a new part of town. My grandmother had passed away the year before, and I remember feeling that everything around me was changing so fast. I was having emotions I’d never felt before, and remember feeling insecure and scared. I was lucky to have parents who helped me along the way and made me feel loved and safe. That transition made me grow up for sure, and looking back, I am really thankful for that time of my life. I think it really helped to shape me into the grown-up and parent I am today.

How do you stop yourself, though, from becoming trapped in the past?

The future is bright and full of possibilities. I’m not saying there won’t be hard times and rough seasons of life moving forward, but I do believe the best is yet to come.

Not necessarily in regards to this record, but what things from your past did you have to let go?

The fear of letting people down. I was always someone who tried to do everything and be all things for all people. It can take a toll on you after awhile, and as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to take some time for “me” and not spread myself so thin. I have really come to cherish and enjoy deeper relationships and intentional time with people.

A song like “Hey It’s a Good Day” is such a refreshing reprieve to really remind the listener to live in the moment and appreciate the good around us. What was your journey within that theme?

As a parent, I feel like we are always just trying to figure things out. There is no one book available that fully covers all the ups and downs of parenting, so you almost just have to jump in the deep-end and make yourself learn how to swim. Some days do not go your way, and you can either dwell on it and stay in the negative or shrug it off, dust off your dad pants and get back to work. It’s a daily grind, but man, it’s so worth it all.

“This is a New Song” is another vital moment of freedom. It’s a classic bluegrass hoedown to get the feet moving, and it also works as a tribute to your parents. I know how supportive they were for you, so what are some life conversations you had with them that really stuck with you?

I remember both of my parents being so supportive throughout my life. They came to every concert I did, put up with loud music coming from my room, and even allowed me to live at home as I was starting out touring. They always told me to do what I loved and that would bring you the most joy. It was good advice because I love my job.

In “Upside Down,” you sing, “There is no more room for hatred / Our differences should be celebrated.” This feels like an obvious response to what’s going on in the world. Was there a particular moment that sparked you to write this one?

I don’t know if it was one specific moment. The world is a crazy place, and sometimes, if you’re not careful, you are only fed the negative. I wanted to write a song that boldly pointed out what we should be against and also what we should be for. Love is the answer, not hatred or an evil tongue. We’ve got to come together to fix what is broken and understand that we need everyone, no matter what you look like or believe in.

Have you seen music be a healing agent or perhaps bridge the divide in the world?

I believe it has always had healing power to bring people together. One of my heroes, Pete Seeger, would go to battle with his banjo and a song. I also have heard so many stories of people who walked through hard times with certain songs or albums as the soundtrack to their journey. Music can change the mood in the room, can cause a grown man to cry and can unite people to feel like they have the power to change the world.

What do you know now that you wish you knew when you were growing up?

Life is full of moments that you replay in your head over and over. The good and the bad. I wish I would have made more of the good moments and cherished them way more. And even in the bad, I wish I understood better that tomorrow holds the opportunity to redeem itself.

What “tough questions” did you ask of yourself on this record, and how did you grow through making the music?

I had to go back and put myself in the shoes of being a kid again. I wanted to think about what “growing up” really means to a child. Like ‘The Wizard of Oz,’ I have seen behind the curtain. My kids haven’t yet. I am not afraid of the dark anymore, but that doesn’t mean my child isn’t or shouldn’t be at only two years old. How do you explain the questions that a child brings to the table in a way [that] not only makes sense to them, but also makes them feel safe and secure? I am still working that out.

One is the one thing you’d want to be the takeaway from this album?

Just like there isn’t one master book on parenting, there isn’t only one musical companion for your family. This album is a picture of where I am today, as a parent, as a husband and as a creator. There are songs that hopefully make you dance, songs that will hopefully make you think and songs that I hope will make you hug the ones you love a little tighter. I have tried to be honest even when I don’t have all the answers. When my kids are older and they look back on my family records, I hope they hear that honesty. We are all in this together, trying to figure life out one day at a time. We need each other, we need to love each other, and that, I hope, is what people carry with them.

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