Interview: Kris Angelis embraces darkness

Life is riddled with uncertainty, and it’s damn difficult to accept that reality. With her haunting song “Run,” which opens her latest seven-song project, Kris Angelis invites such darkness into herself. “Darkness is our friend / But I’ve always been afraid,” she trembles. “There’s no compass and no map in this masquerade.” Over a sparkling waltz arrangement, Angelis’ words fall like dried-out rose petals, ever fragile, hollow, and skeletal. In embracing this part of herself, the singer-songwriter enters a new phase in life.

“I am trying to be more accepting of what is and open and curious about what’s to come while also consciously creating my life,” she tells B-Sides & Badlands. A building block to her new EP, Damn Shame Waste, “Run” primes the listener for a story about self-love with every song “written to encourage, celebrate, and experience all the growth (and growing pains) and feelings that comes with. I hope they will do the same for other folks who hear them.”

With the thorny “Win the Game,” Angelis leaps into the unknown, singing, “I’d rather jump in and clean up the mess.” She darts away from refuge for the sake of healing, soaking herself in life’s muddy undertow. “Healing is such a winding road. I think I’m healing and getting better at expressing my feelings and taking up space, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still get anxious or overthink at times,” she reflects. The most difficult parts of the entire process, she adds, are “the moments where you slip back into the old ways of thinking and feeling and that makes you doubt that you’re making any progress or are even capable of changing.”

Kris Angelis’ Damn Shame Waste EP is out now.

Below, Angelis dives deep into songwriting, healing, and how she navigates flooding emotions.

In “A Different Story,” you’re addressing negative cycles in your life. At what point did you realize something needed to be done?

I wrote that song a long time ago, and this was finally the record that it fit on, so I’ve had some understanding of the idea of how the stories we tell ourselves really affect and create our lives for several years. It’s gotten deeper and expanded over the years and gone in waves of how well and consistently I can tell myself and believe the stories I want for my life. And I’ve added little parts to the song through that time. This year, I feel, has been a big leap in that process and maybe that’s why it finally worked to record and release this song.

Has songwriting always been a way for you to process these pivotal revelations?

For sure. Sometimes it’s hard for me to write when I’m in the real thick of the emotions or right as something is happening, but having a way to organize and express them with some space is a wonderful outlet. I can say things I wouldn’t necessarily say to someone. It’s kind of like journaling or writing a letter you don’t send…but I do put them out for the world to hear.

When did an EP start to take shape or did you even realize it was happening?

I knew I wanted to release an album this year so it was a very purposeful thing. I’m always writing down and recording voice memos of lyric and concept ideas, and then I just have to sit down and mold them into songs usually in batches. So, I scheduled studio time, and then I took a couple of weeks to write four of the songs (three of them were already written) and record them so it all came together within about a month. I had recorded “Run” last year and released it in February, and I knew that I wanted to keep going in that direction with the record.

What led you to write the actually-a-heartbreak-song “A Happy Song”?

I had this idea of a guy who was enamored with the idea of having a song written about him but notices that I mostly write heartbreak songs so he leaves and I’m like, “Dude, I would have written a song about you without you breaking my heart. It could have been a happy one.” I wrote about a real life experience of a relationship ending, but that central concept of the song is more tongue-in-cheek. I don’t really think that’s why he left. I am still working on the happy song that would have been, though.

Was it always clear this needed to have a waltz-like feeling, musically?

It wasn’t something I thought of beforehand. I co-wrote the song with Max Elefant and Thomas Olschowski, and Thomas had come up with the chord progression and time-signature, and it felt good right away. I’ve always been drawn to 3/4 and 6/8. I think there are only two songs that are in 4/4 on the record. I’ve had a line that I need to put in a song at some point that says something like “my heart beats in 3/4 time.” It also makes sense with the feeling of slow dancing alone with someone that the song talks about.

With “It’s Tumbling Me,” did you find your emotions drowning you in a way that was unhealthy?

I had been struggling with depression and getting so down about things, and this again was another song that not only came from experiencing some healing and doing the challenging work but also was what I wanted and still want to be true — what I’m striving for — to allow the hard things to shape me in positive ways and come out of it all stronger, while knowing that it’s ok and necessary to feel all the feelings but not let them take over.

The background vocals give it a very haunting, ethereal quality. Did this one develop pretty easily?

I had a definite idea of the sound and feeling I was going for with this one when I came into the studio, and it involved an instrumental section with violin/cello and more building. As we working on it and my producer Bill Lefler had me try the vocal harmonies in the spaces between the chorus and verse, it became clear that the more ethereal vibe was the way to go. I like that it gives a sense of steadiness and peace — like a meditative state even amidst the ups and downs.

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